What is BDSM
One of the most widespread sexual deviations (or paraphilias) is considered sadomasochism: definition, diagnosis and treatment. Some of its manifestations are inherent even to regular sex: patting buttocks, nipple biting, holding hands. However, some people want more than “playful” biting; they experience the excitement of power, humiliation, and pain.
It is for them that the BDSM subculture was created, which clearly separated sadomasochism from violent actions, turned sexual deviation into a role game of domination and submission. It is essentially a game of sadomasochism with certain rules that are established by the participants themselves.
There is a huge number of directions and practices in BDSM, but the essence is the same: one partner dominates and the other submits, with both receiving from what is happening the sexual and psycho-physiological satisfaction.
According to orientation participants of BDSM actions are usually divided into submissive (top) and submissive (bottom), as well as those who combine the desire to obey and submit (switch). “Ordinary” relationships without any of these elements are commonly referred to in the community as “vanilla”-by analogy with the flavors of ice cream: ice cream without an additional flavor is called vanilla ice cream in the United States.
The acronym BDSM encapsulates the names of the main components of this phenomenon.
BD – Bondage and Discipline
“Bondage” here is not only limitation of mobility, but also bondage, subjugation, submission, restriction of freedom, humiliation, disciplinary actions.
Transfer of power to the upper over the lower for the duration of an action is temporary, in the sense that in the relationship as a whole the partners are equal.
Why do people want this? Somebody wants to refuse for a while the habitual role of a person with great responsibility, to get an opportunity to let himself go, to be in a situation where nothing depends on him. Somebody wants such games to excite sexually and facilitate the achievement of orgasm.
DS – domination and subordination.
This is a relationship in which there is unequal partners by prior agreement. Why is this necessary and how is it different from domestics? It’s radically different.
A submissive is a person striving to transfer control over certain spheres of his life to another. He is afraid of making decisions and is unsure of himself and his strengths. In order to reach any heights (from good taste in clothes and proper diet to admission to college or financial independence), he needs support and direction from an authority figure, which he sees in the dominant. The dominant, on the other hand, is comfortable when he is in charge; he has the fortitude and natural skills to do so.
SM – sadism and masochism
These are practices related solely to deriving pleasure from inflicting or experiencing physical pain. One partner does not dominate the other, they are equal. Pleasure in this case is associated with a person approaching extreme states – subspace (a trance state achieved as a result of a sudden release of a large amount of adrenaline), catharsis (tears caused by breaking, crossing the pain threshold), and in some cases even to orgasm.
Thus, BDSM preferences can both turn into a way of life and become a big part of family relationships (such relationships are called LS – Lifestyle), and end outside the bedroom or consist of rare actions with normal, “vanilla” life in between. It all depends on the desires, needs and consent of the participants.
BDSM is as different from violence as sex is from rape. The ultimate goal of inflicting pain, showing power, humiliation is not the humiliation and pain itself, but the pleasure gained in the process of these practices, the mental comfort achieved as a result.
BDSM practices are a very emotional process, and there is absolute honesty and absolute trust at its core.
Such relationships are based on the strict observance of SSC (safe, sane, consensual) – the principles of safety, voluntariness and reasonableness. In Russian it is BDR. This implies a certain knowledge of the upper in anatomy and psychology, the absence of desire to harm the lower, the sanity of both partners, awareness and consent.
All actions take place with the desire of both parties and can be stopped at any time after the stop word is uttered. The stop word is a conditional sign after which the practice must be stopped at the same moment. And the variants “no,” “stop,” and “I don’t want to” are not appropriate because sometimes they are not caused by a desire to stop, but are part of the game. More often than not, “red” is used as a stop word, similar to a traffic light signal.